The University 2/

It’s a quarter to midnight; the room is now very crowded and I am beginning to feel really drunk. I really should have taken Ugo’s advice and kept to one type of alcohol but I had started to sample the Champagne and the Cognac and then tried a few bottles of the Djugulovsky beer after Bertha had taken a fancy to someone else.

I can make her out now dancing with the Latino fellow who chatted her up almost 2hours ago…undoing a lot of the work that I had done. And from the movement of both of their hands on each others bodies as they stand in the corner pretending to be dancing I can see that they are making quite a lot of progress with each other.

But they don’t bother me any more as I begin to see the funny side in everything; life is a load of shit anyway. I mutter to myself as I take another sip of the Cognac in my hands. I just tried chatting up the girl sitting next to me but she glared at me because I had started to laugh after she told me that she can’t understand what I am saying-when it was so clearly Russian language that i had spoken. At least it sounded that way to me!

“Its Africansky Russky” I told her and started to laugh.
“You’re drunk!” she responded and turned away hissing. And I can swear that I heard her say something about a drunk abezyan and that got me laughing even more as an image immediately flashed through my mind of what I might look like for her to have said that; can you imagine a drunk abezyan?; very funny indeed!

But now I am feeling really pressed to go to the toilet before I wet myself; this is going to be like the third time in the last one hour and I’m trying to wait until the last moment because the thought of having to press through this crowded room is not looking very appealing; the last time-barely half an hour ago-I had pushed into a fellow standing near the door and he had spilled his glass of wine onto his shirt and then wanted to start a fight with me if not that some people intervened.

I don’t like fighting and am looking around the room to see where some of my friends are in case I run into the guy again and he wants to start another fight. I can’t see Ugo or Barry in the crowd but Ken is standing next to the DJ at the corner of the room and seems to be giving him some instructions.
I check my time and notice that It’s less than ten minutes to midnight. Maybe I should wait until we toast to the new year and then I’ll go to the toilet…Shit its coming…I can‘t wait any longer!

I’m getting to my feet and suddenly I’m feeling really queasy. Shit! I hope I don’t throw up here. I push my way through the crowd and make it to the corridor just outside of the door but there’s a queue waiting to use the effin toilet! Shit. I’m finding it very difficult to keep the vomit and the urine from embarrassing me in front of everybody. I‘m rushing to the nearby balcony but I start to throw up just before I get there and I notice that I’ve been equally unsuccessful in keeping in the urine so I‘m unzipping to do it from here onto the ground below.

I start to hear people shouting; "S' novim god'om!...Happy New Year...!” They’re welcoming the New Year; so its here already, I am thinking as I watch my stream of urine make its way from the balcony and disappear into the snow covered ground six floors below; 1987 is being born and I am a f!@ked up drunk pissing from the balcony of a hostel in the heart of Russia...my stepmother would be so very proud of me.