The month of October/5

I discern a hint of a smile on her lips and a glint of recognition in the surreptitious glance that she gives me as she passes by; she has recognised the common destiny that is attracting us and which is poised to ultimately bring us together. It is meant to be that way. And It is now left for me to make the next move by rising up and playing the man; I must ask her for a dance before this night is over.

Another track has started to play, but the song doesn’t sound familiar and very few people are getting up to dance. I notice that the fat fellow is making his way out of the dance hall, while she and her other friend remain seated a few rows of seats behind me. And I know that the time has come for me to make my move now that he is not there.

I have gotten up and I am moving towards her, where she is engaged in a conversation with her girl friend and she looks up as I approach.

"Can I...em...have a dance with you?” I say a bit hesitantly in English, hoping that she understands what I am saying.
She looks at her friend who shrugs her shoulders and says something in Portuguese.
“But music not good!” she responds, indicating the almost empty dance-hall.
“I know but...”I am hesitating because I am not sure what to say that would be convincing enough; I am also aware that her girlfriend is listening.
“Em…Okay”, she finally says and then offers me her hand as she gets up smiling.

We make our way to one corner of the half-empty dance floor and I am feeling a bit awkward; all the bravado, which had welled up in me just a few minutes ago have seeped away and I am now feeling like a deflated balloon. The unfamiliar music is playing in the background and we begin to move our feet to its rhythm; she is looking at me and then starts to smile. And I smile back, knowing that I need to say something, but not quite sure what it is I have to say because all of a sudden my mind has gone completely blank.

“Kak tebia zavut?”She finally says in Russian, breaking the awkward silence by asking after my name.
“Menia zavut Kasi” I respond slowly.
“I like poem you give me. I read it in Portuguese” she says a bit hesitantly in English.

And I love you, I want to say but can’t find the courage to say it.
“Yes, it’s a lovely poem and I think of you when I read it”
She is smiling. And I want to tell her that her smile is the most exquisite thing that i have ever seen and that the thoughts of her have accompanied my every heartbeat from that night at the beryozka in Moscow when I set eyes on her for the very first time…but my tongue is tied.
“You are...em...beautiful” I manage to say.
“Spasibo!” she responds in Russian.
The music has stopped and she wants to start going back to her seat.
“That was too quick! Can we dance one more?” I ask desperately.
“Shto?”
“Can we dance to one more song” I ask a lot slower this time.
She nods.
And I notice that the DJ has given a sign for the lights to be dimmed; he is about to play a slow track and I smile knowing that this confirms my earlier thoughts that it is destiny that is bringing us together.
“Tonight, I celebrate my love for you…” the track of Peabo Bryson’s popular song begins to play.
I know that I now need to hold her hands and to pull her gently to me; this is no longer the time for words because once we are locked in a warm embrace and she begins to feel the beat of my heart caressing hers, she will understand.

She is not resisting as I pull her in towards me and close my eyes, relishing in the fleeting warmth of her breasts that begin to brush against my chest. A feeling of slight discomfort overtakes me as I notice a mounting tension begin to throb in-between my legs. This is not supposed to happen; what i feel for her is a lot purer than this but my body as if it has a mind of its own begins to respond to her sensually.

And she does not pull away even when it is clear that my hardness is brushing against the softness of her body; Oh! She is so very close to me now and I can feel her lovely softness touching me; ever so gently.

She-who is the object of my fantasy; the lovely dream that has been transformed into my reality and moulded just for me-is now here. Her head is on my shoulder and her body is locked in my warm embrace and I can feel her tender heart beat against my chest...speaking to me.

“What I want most to do is to make love to you…”I hear the track playing in the background.
And I have now placed my left hand firmly on her back, while my right one is moving ever so gently downwards and lingering at her lovely bottom; I am pulling her a little closer to myself and I begin to feel the warmth of her body-separated from mine by just a few layers of thin clothes-as our groins begin to brush against each others ever so gently; lingering together ever so longer. And she is not resisting.

The tension in my loins is begining to mount and my breathing is becoming more laboured. And it feels as if It is only the two of us here as the music playing in the background becomes the soundtrack to our unfolding love story; this was meant to be.
“Tonight there'll be no distance between us...”

"Aaw!" I grunt. And suddenly it feels as if a levee is giving way and a rush of embarrassing warmness is erupting like a volcano in-between my legs and it begins to spread in my groin area; the muscles of my body become suddenly tense and at that moment-as the track finally ends and the lights are coming on-she pulls away.
“I...” The feeling of warmness between my legs is turning into an uncomfortable sticky wetness.
And she is now looking at me with a frown on her face.
“I…”I don't know what to say.

An intense feeling of shame overwhelms me as she leaves me standing there, without saying a single word. She makes her way slowly back to the row of seats where her friends are sitting and waiting for her. And I lower my eyes.

I am feeling too much shame to look in her direction; I have lost the pride to be able to look at her face ever again. And as I stand here, I have noticed one or two people throw furtive glances in my direction and I know that I must leave this place of shame as quickly as possible; because my pride has disappeared with the last drops of this sticky emission that I now feel defiling the space in-between my legs.