The month of October/4

She is at the far corner of the hall, standing with her two friends and waiting for the music to start playing. Her back is turned to me and her girl friend is standing slightly to her right. From the slight gesticulations of her hands it appears that she’s saying something and then they begin to move their feet and to sway their bodies in rhythm with the Makossa music that the DJ has just started to play. I decide to go and sit down in a place from where I can continue to see her.

Other people have started to come on to the dance floor and it is starting to be crowded. I look around on the rows of seats behind me and I notice that Ade is sitting alone and also watching the people on the dance floor. He got a telegram 3days ago from one of his maternal uncles that he should face his studies and not come home since his mother is now stable. She is now paralysed on one side of her body and can hardly talk but the healer at the spiritual home where she had been taken to assures them that “the enemies have been taken care of” and that she will gradually recover the use of her paralysed arm and leg.

Ade still cries now and then at nights but he says that he has faith that “God has answered my prayers”. He is sitting there now and not smiling; there’s that distant look in his eyes; the same look which was in his eyes when he had been singing his song of thanksgiving. He sees me looking at him and he makes a sign with his hands that he is about to go back to the hostel. He wants to know if I am ready to leave but I respond with a wagging of my right index finger.

I turn my attention back to the people dancing in front of me as he gets up from his seat and starts to move towards the door. Another man has joined Adelaide and her friends and I notice that they have split into two pairs; Adelaide is now dancing with the fat fellow. He is holding her hands and their dancing resembles a Tango; as he occasionally rotates her on her axis and occasionally embraces her with their chests brushing momentarily against each others. She is now laughing to something he has just said and I am hoping that the music comes quickly to an end.

The music comes to an end but they refuse to go back to their seats; they are waiting for the next one to start. The DJ gives a sign to somebody to dim the lights even more as he starts to play a slow number.
"I heard he sang a good song; I heard he had a style..." the track starts to play. And I see him pull her closely to himself. And I begin to feel a certain inexpressible hurting inside of me; I have never felt like this before and It is clear to me that something is going on between them and that I must move on…yet, I just cannot let her go; I am addicted to her.

She has become like an obsession to me and I cannot imagine what my life will be like without those thoughts of her-those lovely thoughts of her that come to me as I retreat from the world every night-plaguing my soul; she has become a reference point in my life and a new meaning for me to want to become a much more better man. I need her for the sake of my sanity. Because without her I will remain a mere shadow of a man.

“Killing me softly…” I hear the track continue to play as they dance slowly just a few metres away from me. She is facing me now and as I continue to stare at her she opens her eyes, which had been closed and sees me looking at her. I will not remove my eyes from her; I must begin to play the part of a man. Yet I am not able to smile at her because I do not feel like smiling; You see, I know that she is supposed to be with me and not with him. She is now looking at me and a slight frown begins to crease her face.

If she could hear my thoughts, she would understand from the words that scream so strongly in my soul that she belongs to me; this is the moment of truth Adelaide; I love you, my heart is saying, as our eyes remain engaged. And then her dancing partner suddenly waltzes her around and steals away the moment of magic when her soul had briefly intercoursed with mine.

The song has come to end and as they make their way to their seats she is looking at me.